Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Dear Santa

December 23rd, 2008

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is a LoJack for Snot Rod. Oh, and one for a baby spoon. Allow me to explain.

Last Christmas you brought my sons some “matchbox” type toy cars from the Disney movie “Cars”. One of them was the orange GTO with the big racing slicks, the supercharger, and the cylinder head-cold named “Snot Rod.” My four year old has grown quite attached to it over the last few months and likes to take it everywhere now. Likewise, my two year old has developed a fondness for carrying around spoons. He likes measuring spoons, wooden spoons, silverware, and most of all, baby spoons. He has a particular type that is his favorite. The “pokey baby spoony” as he calls it. It’s a metal spoon with a big fat plastic handle. We used to have a lot of them, but now we only have one. That’s because of the problem.

My boys really have no short-term memory at all. That’s the problem. They cherish a certain item almost more than life itself, but cannot remember where they set it down thirty seconds ago. Now, since Snot Rod and the baby spoon are both less than four inches in length and our house is 3400 square feet not counting the garage, you can see my dilemma.

Our boys aren’t allowed to take toys to bed, so they request that they be allowed to leave certain toys right outside their door for when they wake up. Occasionally (read: All the time) they get their heart set on a toy that they have recently misplaced. When this happens, it is important to gauge the level of heart-setted-ness. If it is high, you have two choices. Find the toy and put it outside their door so they will be happy in the morning, and hopefully entertained, or don’t find it, don’t leave it outside their door, and hear about that decision at 5:45 am.

Tonight was a night with a high heart-setitude rating for Snot Rod. My wife and I were lucky enough to be able to go out to a movie this evening by ourselves since Grandma and Grandpa are here awaiting your arrival tomorrow night. When we got back, well past both of our bed times, I was obliged to look for Snot Rod. The last sighting had been in the car. Oh joy. Well, off to the garage I went, flashlight in hand, to contort myself onto the floor mats to be able to inspect under the seats as well as between the car seats in kid row.

Here’s an abbreviated list of what I found:
Six Cheerios
Twelve raisins
One bell
Five matchbox cars (one of them was orange, but it wasn’t Snot Rod)
Two Dr. Seuss books
One Thomas Guide of Sacramento
Two baby wipes (unused, thank the Lord)
Seven acorns
One pinecone
Thirty-two goldfish crackers
Six pretzels
Three Legos
One sock

Here’s a list of what I did not find:
Snot Rod

After resigning myself to the fact that I would be dealing with a disappointed child in the pre-dawn hours, I went upstairs to sit down at my desk. I worked at my computer for thirty minutes before I glanced to my left. And can you guess what was sitting right on top of my desk, not 14 inches away from my left hand? Snot Rod.

So what I would really like for Christmas this year is a few small tracking devices that I can attach to the toy-du-jour. I really think a lot of time and sanity could be saved if your elves could come up with something compact that has a strong signal. We could also use a few for the sippy cups, and the binkies. Also, with regard to my wife, one for the TV remote, the cordless phone, her keys, and her cell phone. And one for Grandma’s cell phone. And her keys. On second thought, if you could just get me a whole bunch of them and I’ll take it from there. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to just LoJack the boys themselves when we head for the park or the mall!

I guess maybe I’d like some sort of desk organizer, too.

Thanks Santa!

See you soon,

Copyright © 2008 Marc Schmatjen

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1 comment:

  1. Hey there,

    If Santa left you a few tracking devices I would like one for Bill. Not for him to use but to place on him for all of those times his cell phone isn't charged, he was in a meeting, and his hearing was temporarily lost.