God bless the internet.
Never in the history of man has it been easier for two
neighbors to be toxically rude and disrespectful to each other without ever
having to actually speak in person. And that’s just one example of the amazing
benefits the internet has brought us. If I could kiss Al Gore right now, I
still wouldn’t.
We could go on for days about how the world wide web has
improved interpersonal communications, but today I want to focus on the
benefits it brings us in terms of our personal style, wealth, and ability to
attract women. Specifically, I want to gush about how the internet has
introduced me to Mr. Martin Železník, Slovakian Men's Style Coach.
I was just a regular, boring old day on LinkedIn, until I
got the connection invitation that would change my life forever.
Hi Marc,
Nice to “meet” you,
I see you’re a speaker. I help men make more money and
triple attention from women by developing their own authentic personal style.
If that's something you're interested in, let's connect.
Martin Železník l Men's Style Coach
This could be the break I’ve always needed. I mean, who
doesn’t want more money, but TRIPLE ATTENTION from women!? That would be
insane! Where do I sign, Martin?
Wait, I’d better not be too hasty. This is the internet,
after all. I need to learn from my past mistakes with all those deposed but
still super-rich Nigerian princes. Does Martin even care about me at all, or is
this another scam?
Let’s look a little deeper into his LinkedIn profile.
His signature line reads:
Martin Železník l Men's Style Coach
I help men make more money and double their confidence in
any situation by developing their own authentic personal style
Slovak Republic
Double confidence and triple attention from women, PLUS more
money. This is sounding almost too good to be true, but there is a picture of Martin
Železník right there to reassure me. The picture, however, is not insanely
reassuring, by American standards, in the style/confidence/women’s
attention/money category.
Martin has a thin, weaselly, “I’m super sure that I’m super
cool” smile, and thin blonde hair cut close at the sides with an ocean
wave-looking section on top that is gelled enough to preserve the individual
comb tracks and could likely withstand a forty-knot wind. He does not appear as
if he could grow any discernable amount of facial hair.
His shoulders are at a quarter turn, but his head is cocked
back to the camera, as if to say, “Hey, what’s up, ladies? As you may have
noticed, I have quite a bit of style and personal confidence. I also have an
American LinkedIn account. Yes, it’s true.”
Captain Style Coach is rocking a blue Oxford-style
button-down shirt, a beige V-neck sweater, and what appears to be a heavy black
wool suit jacket of some kind. He scores bonus Slovakian style points by
popping the collar on his jacket.
Based on the picture, I have to assume that if Members Only
jackets were available in the Slovak Republic, Martin would own as many as he
could afford.
All that being said, I’m not current on what is hip and
trending in Slovakia at the moment, so maybe Martin is the Tom Selleck of Eastern
Europe. I’m inclined to believe he’s on the level, because he seems to really
care about helping me develop my own authentic personal style, based on his
second communication.
Hi Marc,
Thanks for connecting with me.
I specialize in helping men make more money and double
their confidence in any situation by developing their own authentic personal
style.
I’m curious, Marc, what do you want to communicate with
your clothes?
Wow! I have only recently connected with Martin and he’s
already blowing my mind with insightful personal authentic style queries. And he
cares enough to ask the tough questions. What do I want to communicate with my
clothes?
I took a second to total up the amount of time in the last
forty-seven years that I have spent thinking about my clothes. It’s in the
neighborhood of ten to fifteen minutes total, so it’s safe to say I have no
idea what I’ve been trying to communicate with them. I have given it some
serious thought now that Martin has encouraged me, and I have come up with the
following.
What I seem to be currently communicating with my clothes is,
“Hello. I am a middle-aged man. I am not homeless.”
But is that what I want to communicate? Martin is getting me
out of my middle-aged, non-homeless comfort zone and forcing me to come to
grips with that tough question. I really don’t know what I want to communicate
right now, but one thing is for sure – my current clothes-related
communications are not helping me at all in the money/confidence/women
attention department. Martin is a Slovakian style genius!
But what to do about it?
As if Martin could read my mind, he just sent me this urgent
communique:
Hi Marc,
I’m offering all of my new LinkedIn prospects a free
style diagnosis of 1 outfit of your choice to find out how is your current
style and appearance helping you reach your goals.
Would you like to take advantage?
My style and appearance are related to my goals!?!? Holy
crap, Martin, you are turning my whole world upside down right now. Hell yes, I
would like to take advantage.
Free style diagnosis, here I come! I am currently wearing a
black San Francisco Giants T-shirt with less than two holes in it, and khaki
shorts. I can’t wait to find out if that’s correct or not. I’m really looking
forward to doubling my confidence and increasing my income by an unspecified
amount.
I’m not entirely sure what will happen when my wife finds
out that I am experiencing triple attention from women, however, or how that
will impact my confidence/money escalations, but we’ll cross that authentic
personal style bridge when we get there.
See you soon,
-Smidge
Copyright © 2019 Marc Schmatjen
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