Much like your sense of self-worth and your will to put on real pants, you’ve also completely lost your desire to write a Christmas letter this year. Hey, don’t beat yourself up. This is 2020! Who could blame you?
But now it’s two days ‘til Christmas and you’re kicking yourself about it while you sit motionless in your couch divot in the same pair of pajama pants you’ve been wearing since Halloween. There’s no way you can get a coherent letter put together in time now.
Well, once again, ol’ Smidgey Claus has got you covered. I have created the 2020 DIY Christmas Letter Grid. Just pick one item from each column in order to string together a sentence that best fits your 2020 experience. Repeat as needed to fully recap your dumpster fire of a year.
Now, get to it. There’s no time to lose.
|
COLUMN 1 |
COLUMN 2 |
COLUMN 3 |
COLUMN 4 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
We lost |
our jobs |
in |
the election. |
|
We hoarded |
masks |
after |
the hurricanes. |
|
We sheltered with |
toilet paper |
during |
the wildfires. |
|
We cried about |
Tiger King |
in the middle of |
the couch. |
|
We prayed for |
at least 20 pounds |
since |
the lockdown. |
|
We binged |
junk food |
prior to |
the DOW crash. |
|
We gained |
the vaccine |
before |
the rioting. |
|
We bought |
personal hygiene |
after |
COVID-19. |
|
We worried about |
alcohol |
throughout |
social distancing. |
|
We abandoned |
essential workers |
despite |
distance learning. |
|
We lived without |
Amazon Prime |
from |
a Zoom meeting. |
There you go. Now add a “Merry Christmas,” sign, and send. You’re all set.
Don’t say I never did anything for you! Now hunker down in your couch divot and let’s pray for 2021 to get here ASAP.
Merry Christmas, y’all!
See you soon,
-Smidge
Copyright © 2020 Marc Schmatjen
Your new favorite T-shirt is at SmidgeTees
Your new favorite book is
from SmidgeBooks
No comments:
Post a Comment