Apparently, Monday was National Son’s Day. I didn’t know this, because I had never heard of National Son’s Day until yesterday. National Daughter’s Day was on the 25th, and I only heard about that one for the first time this year, too.
(Side note: The fact that National “Son Day” is not on a Sunday proves that our leaders are barely functional morons.)
Why have I never heard of these national days? I have a theory. They sound very much made up, like Lifetouch’s recent “National School Picture Day.” Give me a break! What are these daughter and son days for? Mother’s Day and Father’s Day make sense. What am I supposed to be thanking my kids for? Thanks for being here? Wasn’t your choice. Thanks for taking all my money? Nope.
Now, please don’t get me wrong. I love our three sons to pieces, but that doesn’t mean I think we should have a special day to celebrate their existence. We already have three of those. They’re called birthdays.
Since I don’t have daughters, I really have no way of knowing, but I assume they might take these things with a little more weight than the sons out there. I didn’t know about National Son’s Day, and as such, I didn’t post anything about how much I loved my sons that day. You know what the great thing about sons is? They don’t care!
If National Daughter’s Day needs to remain a thing because of all the emotions and whatnot, I understand. But I’m here today to let everyone know we don’t need this National Son’s Day thing. If we insist on keeping it, I would like to suggest that we at least practice a little truth in advertising and rename it.
Here are some possible alternative names, just off the top of my head:
National Please Stop Eating Everything Day
National Please Stop Clogging the Toilet Day
National For Goodness Sake Put Some Deodorant On Day
National Can You Please Quit Wrecking the Car Day
National Stop Beating Up Your Brother Day
National This is the Fifth Time I’ve Asked You to Take Out the Trash Day
National What Are You Planning to Do With That Lighter Fluid Day
National Please Take a Shower This Week Day
National Put Down the Phone and Read a Damn Book Day
National How Have You Lived This Long Making Decisions Like That Day
National This is Why I Have Gray Hairs Day
National Please Stop Wearing the Same Underwear Four Days in a Row Day
National How Did You Already Grow Out of Those Shoes Day
National Can You Please Dial the Sound Down Six Notches Day
National Please Slow Down in the House Day
National Take it Easy, This Room is Not Bulletproof Day
National Your Brother is Not a Punching Bag Day
National Seriously, How Are You Not Full Yet Day
National What’s That Smell Day
National Just Go into Your Room and Clean Anything Day
National Where Did All My Money Go Day
Those all seem a little closer to the truth.
See you soon,
Copyright © 2020 Marc Schmatjen
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