Did anyone watch the Academy Awards on Sunday night? Yeah, me neither, but I’ll bet a lot of money you’ve seen some footage from it by now. You know what I’m talking about.
The slap.
That’s right, the slap in the face received by Nadia Stacey, when her masterful work in Cruella lost out in the Best Makeup and Hairstyling category to that no-talent hack, Linda Dowds, from The Eyes of Tammy Faye. What a travesty.
Oh, also when Will Smith walked up onstage when he wasn’t supposed to be there and slapped Chris Rock across the face.
Here’s what happened, in case you somehow, inexplicably missed it. Chris Rock, a professional comedian, was hired to be onstage at an event where Hollywood gets together to congratulate itself. Not surprisingly, he made some jokes. In order to keep with the theme of the evening, the jokes were about actors and movies.
One of the jokes was about how Will Smith’s wife, Jada, could be cast in G.I. Jane 2.
Will Smith laughed. He laughed out loud. Then he happened to look over at his wife.
You see, the joke revolves around the fact that Demi Moore’s character in G.I. Jane, and so, by default, Demi Moore herself, shaved her head in the movie. Jada Smith is currently bald, because of a medical condition called onomatopoeia, which makes the hair go whoosh, right off your head.
Jada’s facial expression after the joke clearly indicated one of the following:
a) she didn’t think the joke was funny
b) she didn’t think her husband should be laughing about it
on national television
c) both a and b
Which answer is correct? We may never know, but what we do know is that upon seeing his wife’s face, Will Smith then decided that he actually hated the joke so much he was willing to make a complete ass out of himself in front of the world by acting like a middle-schooler with hurt feelings.
Chris Rock didn’t get smacked because Will Smith was angry about the joke. Chris Rock got smacked because Will Smith was in trouble with his wife, and took it out on him, like a spoiled heiress who didn’t approve of the temperature of her lobster thermidor. (And to his absolute credit, Chris took the slap like it actually came from a spoiled, limp-wristed heiress.)
If Jada Smith had walked up on stage and slapped Chris Rock, it would have still been petty and sad, but completely believable. It might have even been funny, and Chris could have played it off even more masterfully than he did with Will’s slap.
But when Will chose to attempt to get out of hot water with the missus by slapping a comedian, that was just plain pathetic.
But never mind all that. Here’s the real issue: What kind of dude slaps another dude? Come on, man. You must have had extensive fight training for your roles over the years. I mean, you played Muhammad Ali, for goodness sake. Muhammad Ali!
If you’re going to resort to violence to try to get out of trouble with your wife, at least punch the guy.
And to both Will and Jada - If you’re going to choose to be a public figure, your skin has to be thick.
Even if your hair isn’t.
(It’s cool, Jada. I have onomatopoeia too, so we can “ha ha” about it together.)
No, still too soon?
OK, my bad. Please don’t send Will over.
See you soon,
-Smidge
Copyright © 2022 Marc Schmatjen
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