Wednesday, June 29, 2011

A Typical Evening at Home

I had a pretty annoying day at work today, so I wasn’t in the greatest mood I’ve ever been in my whole life when I got home tonight. My wife had a “mom’s night out” scheduled with a couple of her girlfriends, so it was just me and the three boys, ages six, five and three, home for dinner. I cooked breakfast for dinner (bacon, eggs and bagels), we split a cupcake for dessert, had a bath, played Legos and went to sleep. I walked in the door from work at 5:15pm and put the boys in bed at 7:45pm. Here is what I heard in between those two times:

Hi Daddy. Did you know that I’m using a sword to fight bad guys? Can we have dinner now? How about now? How about now? I’m really hungry. What are we having for dinner? Can we have over easy eggs? Boo hoo. I don’t want scrambled. My Lego guy has no pants. Can I help crack the eggs? Can I stir them? No, I get to stir them. What makes eggs runny instead of a bird? Why do the eggs cook? How come the flame is blue and not yellow? Wow it’s really raining. I hope our acorn plant grows. My Lego guy has no head. Can I butter my bagel? Wesley has a Chihuahua. Can we go surfing? Can you unlock my light saber? It’s green. That means I’m a good guy. Why can’t I sit there? I don’t want to wash my hands. He just had an accident. He peed on the chair. I don’t want to sit on the pee chair. These eggs are yummy, Daddy! All eggs have a tiny bird in them, you just can’t see it. Do the eggs have cheese in them? These eggs taste like a burrito. Why do I have to sit in the pee chair? What happens when you get bit by a rattlesnake? Hang on, I’m going to eat this pig first. Pig is yummy! Did you know a hawk’s egg is this big? Dinosaur eggs are huge. How big is a brachiosaurus egg? Look, I made a pig and egg pizza. Can you make more bacon? At the movie today, the zucchini and the carrot had invisible hands. He pushed the button on the guy with one eye and down popped a rowboat. Why do mommies sometimes go to dinner with just mommies? When they’re there, there aren’t any kids or daddies. I’ll bet they order bacon. May I please have more burrito eggs? Why don’t daddies take baths? Can we watch TV? This cupcake is so good, it’s my favorite kind. When I have a birthday, I’m going to get this kind of cupcake. Or, just next time we go to the cupcake store. This frosting is delicious! When is my birthday? I’m first for bath. Booty-butt. Booty-butt. How come I have hair like a duck? Don’t wash my owie. What happens when you see a shark? Look how big my feet are. I know who the first president was. He had fake hair. Why do I have to get out? Booty-butt. Booty-butt. My Lego guy needs hands. Have you seen my propeller? I need that piece!! Boo hoo. Yellow is not the same as blue. If you ate Legos, your poop would be funny colors. Legos wouldn’t be as good as pig and burrito eggs. I have to go poop. Good night.

Now, please keep in mind, this was just what came out of my six-year-old’s mouth. Multiply what you just read by three, and you’ve got my evening.

Hmm… I wonder why mommies sometimes go to dinner with just other mommies?

The good news is, I totally forgot all about how annoying work was, and with this fresh perspective on life, I’m in a much better mood.

Pig is yummy!

See you soon,

Copyright © 2011 Marc Schmatjen

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1 comment:

  1. Hysterical! Multiply that by 25 preschoolers in the morning and 25 preschoolers in the afternoon, times 17 years, and you have my preschool teacher career in a nutshell!

    Gail :)