You fool! You’ve done it again, haven’t you? St. Nick is heading down the chimney in a week and you’ve forgotten to write your Christmas letter. Typical.
I mean, if you somehow managed to get it in the mail today and post-date it so you don’t look like the slacker that you are, there’s still a chance – albeit elfin in size – that the USPS can get it to your loved ones (and all the rest of the people on that list) before the yule log burns out.
But that leaves you no time to actually get a coherent letter written to put in those envelopes. Is this a hopeless mess? Of course! I mean, it would be if it wasn’t for your old pal Smidgey Claus.
Once again, I’ve got you covered. I have created the 2024 Universal DIY Christmas Letter Grid, just for you. Simply pick one item from each column in order to string together a sentence that captures the essence of your 2024. Repeat as needed to fully recap this wacky ride of a year.
Now, get to it. There’s no time to lose.
|
COLUMN 1 |
COLUMN 2 |
COLUMN 3 |
COLUMN 4 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
We lost |
container ships |
in |
the Opening Ceremonies. |
|
We got delayed by |
Simone Biles |
after |
the Eras Tour. |
|
We opened |
Boeing 737 doors |
during |
Tyson vs. Paul. |
|
We cried about |
AI |
in the middle of |
men’s pommel horse. |
|
We prayed for |
Caitlin Clark |
since |
the leap year. |
|
We marveled at |
Elon Musk |
prior to |
an unscheduled rapid decompression. |
|
We pardoned |
CrowdStrike |
from |
exploding pagers. |
|
We gained |
Steven Nedoroscik |
in the face of |
the election. |
|
We worried about |
Trump vs. Harris |
throughout |
the Baltimore Key bridge collapse. |
|
We abandoned |
the Kansas City Chiefs |
despite |
the flooding. |
|
We lived without |
Cybertrucks |
before |
a Microsoft Windows update. |
There you go. Now add a “Merry Christmas,” sign, and send.
You’re all set.
No need to thank me. It’s just what I do. Now crack open another bottle of your favorite holiday cheer, put your feet up, and let’s see what 2025 has in store for us, shall we?
Merry Christmas, y’all!
See you soon,
-Smidge
Copyright © 2024 Marc Schmatjen
Your new favorite book is from SmidgeBooks
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columnist is on Facebook Just a Smidge
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