I’m sorry, but I don’t have time to write this column this
week. I have to be up on my roof.
Have you ever been dumb enough to start a project? Yeah, me
too.
The whole thing started when my wife said she wanted to put
ceiling fans up under our patio roof.
That shouldn’t take me
too long to do, I foolishly thought.
Then over this winter we noticed that a considerable amount
of water actually makes its way through the patio roof and down onto the patio
when it rains. We hadn’t noticed it before, because prior to this winter it
hadn’t rained in California in twenty-eight years.
Now, I’ve proven to myself time and time again that I know
very little about how electricity works, but I am confident that water leaking
down into a ceiling fan is bad for both the fan and the electricity inside the
fan. And the electrons connected to my inside house wires from the outside fan
wires. It could all end up being bad for my toaster and my refrigerator. It’s
very technical.
All I know is life without toast is one thing, but warm beer
is completely uncalled for. I needed to get that leak under control.
So, last week I was dumb enough to go up and tear off the
old shingles. Once I was up there a thought occurred to me. The leaking might
have something to do with the fact that the patio roof has almost no slope at
all. That might also be why (at least as of this writing) I haven’t fallen off
of it yet – a fact that my wife points out, rightfully, is amazing. Fingers
crossed for more of that success!
Right after I was done removing the old roof, the full
realization of the fact that I now had to install a new one hit me. As with so
many other things in my life, I’m great with the demolition, but unfortunately,
a little light in the rebuilding skills department. (Food, cars, etc.)
This should be no problem, though. I’m fairly confident that
I know almost enough of the basic principles behind roofing to be ninety
percent sure I’m going to get most of it right. I’m a little under the gun,
however, since we have rain forecasted for Friday. So I need to put this column
on hold this week and get to work.
(By the way... Does anyone out there know a lot about installing
asphalt shingles on a low-slope roof? Please PM me. Asking for a friend.)
There has been a lot of measuring, calculations, research,
and purchasing so far. For instance I know that to roof a 30’x14’ patio cover
with Owens Corning Desert Tan asphalt three-tab shingles, you’ll need to buy approximately
420 square feet of shingles, or in terms of weight, 28,000 pounds worth. My
back hurts.
And I’ve watched a number of YouTube videos, but they’re mostly
Southern good ol’ boys up on a roof filming a how-to video with a cell phone about
drip edge flashing and shingle starter rows. Between the thick drawls and the phones
picking up the wind noise, not all of them were helpful, but I did end up with
a lot of good info on what’s hot in camouflage baseball hats these days.
And I have a lot of new words in my vocabulary now, most of
which I can say in both Standard English and Southern-American English, thanks
to the YouTube videos.
Drip edge, hips, valleys, gables, eave edge flashing, rake
edge flashing, asphalt underlayment, standard and increased overlap, ice dams,
wind lift, wind-lifting dam ice flashing rake underlayment, etc. I have no idea
what any of it means, but I really sound like I know what I’m talking about
now, especially when I say it in my Southern drawl while wearing my new camo
baseball cap.
So I should be all set. Sorry about the column this week,
but the rain’s a’ comin’, y’all.
If you need me, I’ll be on the roof, probably swearing in my
new drawl. By the way, don’t tell anyone about this in case I’m supposed to
have a permit or something.
See you soon,
-Smidge
Copyright © 2016 Marc Schmatjen
Love this blog! You manage to actually impart some information while making me laugh. Couldn't agree more about warm beer, I'm not sure I wouldn't rather be rained on! Did you seriously have to lug 28,000 pounds worth of shingles? By yourself? I'm surprised you can still stand up.
ReplyDeleteFerdinand @ CCR and D
Thanks Ferdinand,
ReplyDeleteI know I'd rather be rained on than drink warm beer. No contest. And no, I really didn't have to haul 28,000 pounds of shingles. I tend to exaggerate. It was only 25,000 pounds, but it felt like 28,000.
Thanks for reading!
-Smidge
Yes, you are right on the money. Water leaking through the roof can be very bad news. I would have to say that water leaking through an electrical outlet is disastrous. If you haven't called a roofer yet, you might want to get on that process before your house burns crispy.
ReplyDeleteThank you Pleasance,
ReplyDeleteThe roof is secure and probably leak-proof, but we haven't had a drop of rain since the new one went on, so I really don't know. Looks great, though!
Cheers,
-Smidge