Forced Homeschool Parent Log – Day 82
Summer starts tomorrow. The school district said the last
day of “school” was actually last Friday, but that’s a load of crap.
The original last day of school was on the calendar for tomorrow,
June 4th, and I’ll be damned if I’m letting my kids off the hook. Since
the schools stopped giving them work, I had to make up my own for this week.
We are having a Home Economics class, involving studying the
Better Homes and Gardens cookbook and making us dinners. I’m teaching an
engineering course on Fluid Dynamics, involving studying all the owner’s manuals
for our pool equipment and also skimming the leaves out of the pool. And we’re
hosting a work/study program on Urban Housing and Development, which consists
mostly of cleaning out our garage.
Tomorrow is our official last day of homeschool, and we will
probably just abandon any attempts at learning and eat cupcakes and sign
yearbooks. “Yearbooks” in this case will probably just be Post-it notes, since
we don’t have their actual yearbooks yet and they don’t want their brothers
writing “YOU SUCK!” in them anyway.
We will be teaching one last class tomorrow if any of
our boys decide to partake in the time-honored tradition of taking their
binders apart and flinging their paperwork all around the homeschool. In that
case, their last elective of the homeschool year will be the Janitorial Arts.
The last day of school is always a minimum day, so at noon
we will officially mark the end of this ridiculous, idiotic distance learning catastrophe,
and we will begin our summer. After 83 days of forced homeschooling three
teenage boys, if someone tries to tell us we can’t go on summer vacation, they
are going to be invited to a PE class where my three testosterone-y boys introduce
them to street tackle dodgeball sumo fistfight, or as it’s more commonly known
around here, afternoon.
We are getting in the car and leaving for summer vacation on
Friday. I don’t know where we’re going and I don’t care. We might just drive
until we run out of gas and camp in a ditch. That sounds amazing.
And I swear on my life, or more to the point, on my children’s
lives since they will not live through another homeschooling adventure, if our
administrators try to tell us we’re not going back to normal next year, I’m
bringing a street tackle dodgeball sumo fistfight game to the district office.
All of your teenagers are invited to join.
See you soon,
-Smidge
Copyright © 2020 Marc Schmatjen
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