Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Resolutions, Part II

Traditionally, I have never been a big fan of New Year’s resolutions, but since my 2011 resolutions went so well, I was happy to start 2012 with some goals. I gave it a lot of thought over the holidays and finally decided on one main resolution: To get better educated.

There are a lot of areas in my life where I would like to become smarter and more well-rounded, so I plan to pick an area to focus on, give it laser-like attention until I know everything there is to know about it, then move on to another topic. Now, please don’t misunderstand. I am not looking to become the world’s foremost scholar on the Peloponnesian War, or to become a fountain of knowledge about fruit bats. I want to focus on useful things in my everyday life, where I already know enough to get by, but really should know more.

It was at a holiday party this year that the first subject in need of mastery became perfectly clear. Beer.

I have been drinking and enjoying beer for a long time now, and I considered myself to be very knowledgeable on the subject. That is, until someone at the party mentioned that they had just seen a TV show that had tackled the question of the differences between Porter and Stout. It turns out there is no major difference between the two. It’s really just a naming preference. I didn’t know that! Then we started wondering about Amber Ale versus Brown Ale, and if they might be the same thing also, and again, I had no idea.

Well, that was just unacceptable, so I am now going to become an expert on beer. I have always believed that the best way to learn about something is to go out and do it, not sit for hours reading about it. Why on earth would anyone want to read about beer, anyway? I think learning about beer should be done the old-fashioned way; by the pint. Off I went to the local specialty beverage shop and bought one bottle of each different style of beer they had to offer. Two-hundred and forty dollars later, I came home with a trunk full of beer. It turns out there are a LOT of different styles of beer! I haven't even started drinking yet, and I am already learning. To keep it all cool I had to completely remove almost everything my wife had foolishly stored in the top half of our refrigerator, like the milk and chicken breasts and cottage cheese, but I’m sure she won’t mind. I’m about to be much, much smarter.

I figure I should go from lightest to darkest, much like wine tasting, so I'm starting with a plain old American lager.  Mmmm. It was good.

Now on to a pilsner. Did you know that it's called pilsner because the style originated in the city of Pilzen, in the Czech Republic? I just read that on the back of the bottle. It's amazing the things you can learn if you take the time to read the labels. It's good too, and has a sharper, cleaner finish than the lager.

On to the ales, I'm starting with the lightest of the category, known as a blonde ale. It has a much different taste than the pilsner, leaving sweet and fruity hints lingering on my taste buds after each delicious sip. It's a medley of different complex favors, offsetting and contradicting the lager and pilsner with far less sharp carbonation. This beer has a slightly heavier feel than the lager, but a much smoother finish than either of the previous two delightfully different styles. This first ale went down really nicely. Yum-o!

Next up is a hefeweisen. The label says that hefeweisen is an unfiltered wheat beer, commonly served with a slice of lemon, and apparently, it is known as "Germany's breakfast beer." Those Germans are so lucky, man! They get to drink beer for breakfast! Maybe they drink it in the morning because it looks like milk. Man, this stuff is cloudy! It's pretty good, though. Sure doesn't taste like milk. Dang, I forgot the lemon slice. Oh, well.

On to the pale ale. Wooo-doggy! this is bitterer than that cloudy breakfast beer! I would not drink this for breakfast. This is much more of a steak and potatos beer. Potatoes? Why does potato have an e on the end when there's more than one? It should be potatoe. Good beer!

This one is an India pale ale. Was it brewed in India? IPA is all it says on the back and some long sentence about a river. I hope it's not river water. This sucker is even bitterer than the pale ale! Apparently it has to do with hops, from what I can read hear on the label's bottle. They must have had something go wrong with the bottle printer, because the words are pretty bluury. Who cares about the printing, though, because that beer was GREAT!

Oh, all right! We're at amber ale. This one was one of the reasons for me wanting to no more about beers. I should get the brown ale out two and drink them together alternatively. That way, I can figure out what the two is between the difference. Hang on.

jhdbfvjhdbh ..m  Whoops. I just knocked the keysboard off the desk. Sorry about that. Saved the beer thow. I couldn’t find the brown ale, so I braut back a Irish stout instead. I’ll just compair the amber stout with the Irishale. The Irish is pretty dark, but yummmy. The amber is dark and yummy to, but not as stout as the dark was.   when I mix them together they make a superdark superyummy superbeer.

Märzen is the next beer I’m drinkin. It has those funny dots over the a. You wood not believe how hard is it to find those dots on my keysboard. I think their called umlats.        thats a funny word.      Märzen is delicioso!

Doppelbock in the house!!!  This badboy has an alcohol comtent of 8 percent. Boccledop is strong!  Thatz way more then the other ones was. Whoooohooo, this is some goooooooooood Dobblepock.

Oatmeal stout is up next up… Is this another breakfas beer? Oatmeal wood be good right now. I’m gonna save this keep it for in the morning tomorow… I’m a lot beerer about smarts four shure now… fhsd;jkvnas’oi


See you soon,


Copyright © 2012 Marc Schmatjen

Have kids? Have grandkids? Need a great gift?
Go to today and get your copy of My Giraffe Makes Me Laugh, Marc’s exciting new children’s book. Get ready for a wild rhyming adventure!

No comments:

Post a Comment