Wednesday, December 23, 2020

The 2020 Do-It-Yourself Christmas Letter

Much like your sense of self-worth and your will to put on real pants, you’ve also completely lost your desire to write a Christmas letter this year. Hey, don’t beat yourself up. This is 2020! Who could blame you?

But now it’s two days ‘til Christmas and you’re kicking yourself about it while you sit motionless in your couch divot in the same pair of pajama pants you’ve been wearing since Halloween. There’s no way you can get a coherent letter put together in time now.

Well, once again, ol’ Smidgey Claus has got you covered. I have created the 2020 DIY Christmas Letter Grid. Just pick one item from each column in order to string together a sentence that best fits your 2020 experience. Repeat as needed to fully recap your dumpster fire of a year.

Now, get to it. There’s no time to lose.

COLUMN 1

COLUMN 2

COLUMN 3

COLUMN 4


 

 

 

We lost

our jobs

in

the election.

We hoarded

masks

after

the hurricanes.

We sheltered with

toilet paper

during

the wildfires.

We cried about

Tiger King

in the middle of

the couch.

We prayed for

at least 20 pounds

since

the lockdown.

We binged

junk food

prior to

the DOW crash.

We gained

the vaccine

before

the rioting.

We bought

personal hygiene

after

COVID-19.

We worried about

alcohol

throughout

social distancing.

We abandoned

essential workers

despite

distance learning.

We lived without

Amazon Prime

from

a Zoom meeting.

There you go. Now add a “Merry Christmas,” sign, and send. You’re all set.

Don’t say I never did anything for you! Now hunker down in your couch divot and let’s pray for 2021 to get here ASAP.

Merry Christmas, y’all!

See you soon,

-Smidge

 

Copyright © 2020 Marc Schmatjen

 

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